Is easy. And if not, it is easier.
Savvy is the master of faces. Telling what one wants or maybe needs to hear. Constantly metamorphosing into the right face of circumstance. Some may describe it as flexibility or name it social intelligence. Some are deluded into believing that it is the way to save relationships and build likeness. No matter how shiny the description, it still is living behind a set of public selves and witnessing one’s memory of his self, the real one, fade away.
What effects will be born by that same relationship that we meant to save when the masks fall (because they will)? How many people – including ourselves – do we think we can fool and for how long? What about the future when the knit threads uncover a network hanging in the airs of fakeness? What about when what we don’t say matters so much more to what happens next? How many times have we thought and believed in one direction and casted our vote in another? How many times have we held our silence in places where what we witnessed would have made tremendous difference had we spoken up? How many crimes, how many injustices, how many ethics were buried with the particular face of circumstance? How many families, how many friendships, how many companies, how many plans and how many dreams?
Till when? Till what threshold? What is an acceptable loss?
So what other choice do we have? The hard one. The harder one for sure. That of being ourself. Our real self no matter the circumstance. Unlike what most assume, this and being clever enough to know how to deliver the message while assuming the responsibility of the way the message is delivered are not at all mutually exclusive. On the contrary, they come together and are among the true constituents of social intelligence, the kind that builds strong long-term relationships.
My grandfather once told me that he who is true needs not his memory. Suzan Scott in Fierce Conversations says that what is said and how it is said determines what happens next. Or won’t. Brilliant lessons from both!
So?
Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
“…God has given you one face, and you make yourself another…” – William Shakespeare
It’s all about communication …. & the mask we are wearing , Transparency & Honesty are rare Values
Brilliantly said wael! Sadly, many times when poeple put on these masks is usually because they are afraid their true selves are not good enough or worthy of others love and respect. There is a lot of that going around in our society these days, and to make matters worse the metaphorical masks are being coupled by physical one through all the plastic surgery going around!
Never knew you were so eloquent in Enlish! And I loved the content too. Very suitable for us Lebanese who are so brilliant in that field ( of duplicity)
A force d etre des cameleons on oublie qui on est vraiment…. ou on finit par l apprendre brutalement…
Je pense qu une des manieres d’arreter de “changer de couleur” comme le cameleon, c ‘est d arriver a faire la difference entre ampathie et sympathie , d arriver a respecter les autres tout en se respectant soi meme… pas toujours evident.
Am not sure what Will meant Mak… Maybe if you help us look at the broader context of your quote…
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
And yet, un-wearing the masks makes us more trustable beings and hence boosts our relationships as well as our results…
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
Thanks Maha. I agree with your comment. What these people miss to realize is that they are only making things worse by wearing those masks. They are being unfair to themselves and people will eventually discover their game (be it well-intentioned or not). Of course there’s a way to convey the real message (to have the fierce conversation) in what is commonly referred to as “a positive way” and what Suzan Scott in Fierce Conversations refers to as “without the load”. Bottom line, we can be who we are without holding others responsible of our “mood” and say what we need/want to say in a way that builds relationships.
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
Thank you Amal… Believe me though, there is no national patent on this one, no exclusivity whatsoever. It is a universal strategy aimed at building relationships. A very much ineffective one for sure.
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
Salut Raya. Je ne connais vraiment pas d’évident dans cette vie. Tout résultat qu’on désire est un multiple de l’effort qu’on investit dans sa réalisation. Chacun de nous possède le choix et l’habilité de développer toute habilité de laquelle il a besoin. Alors?
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
Alors ….il faut agir et non subir , sans craindre le effort …
Je voulais juste preciser pourquoi je tenais a faire la distinction entre empathie et sympathie .
Voici la meilleur definition que j’ai trouve , a vous de voir.
I. Empathie
Etymologie : « ce qu’on éprouve dedans ». D’après le Nouveau Petit Robert (1994), l’empathie est la faculté de s’identifier à quelqu’un, de ressentir ce qu’il ressent. De en- (dedans) et -pathie (émotion).
Selon Carl Ransom Rogers2 : « L’empathie consiste à saisir avec autant d’exactitude que possible, les références internes et les composantes émotionnelles d’une autre personne et à les comprendre comme si l’on était cette autre personne. » Saisir les références internes d’un autre individu n’est pas chose aisée. L’empathie nécessite une excellente connaissance de soi, une très grande ouverture d’esprit, l’absence d’a priori, la reconnaissance de l’existence d’autres systèmes de références et leur respect : sens, valeurs, croyances, etc. et surtout le désir humble et vrai de comprendre l’autre, sans en attendre quoi que ce soit en retour.
On peut dire que l’empathie est synonyme de compréhension en termes de relations humaines, interpersonnelles. Si vous manquez d’empathie, vous ne parviendrez pas à comprendre les joies et souffrances, les actes, les dires, les pensées, les choix et décisions d’autrui.
- Comprendre, c’est la clef de l’authenticité d’une relation.
- Comprendre, c’est accueillir les émotions et les sentiments d’autrui, sans parti pris et sans juger.
- Comprendre, ce n’est pas admettre. Si ce dont vous êtes témoin dépasse vos limites personnelles de valeurs et de croyances, la compréhension consiste simplement à reconnaître qu’autrui a ses raisons de penser ou d’agir comme ci ou comme ça. La compréhension n’oblige nullement ni à admettre, ni à adhérer, ni à être complice d’une valeur ou d’une croyance, ni à approuver une quelconque action.
II. Sympathie
Etymologie : « ce qu’on éprouve avec autrui ».
La sympathie c’est partager les émotions avec autrui. Elle provoque chez l’autre une sensation de bien-être et des sentiments d’amour et d’amitié. La sympathie est la tendance à créer ce lien d’amour ou d’amitié. La sympathie est source de partage et d’esprit d’équipe.
Dans la sympathie, il y a une place importante à l’instinct d’imitation et au désir de complicité.
Merci pour les definitions
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Wael!
“trace – training and coaching executives
De rien
La vie est un songe de Calderon , Dr Jeckyll et Mr Hyde de Stevenson, Le portrait de Dorian Gray d’Oscar Wilde , Demian de Herman Hesse et le Loup des steppes du meme auteur…
De merveilleuses lectures qui traitent de l’hypocrisie mais surtout du dédoublement de personnalité.
Le réel et l’irréel, le sage et le fou, le bon et le méchant, le bien et le mal, le loup et l’homme, l’etre et le paraitre…
Nous avons tous un coté sombre et un coté lumineux… Tu parles de duplicité… ne s’agit il pas plutôt ..de dualité.. ?
Dualité qui comme toute richesse peut etre mal utilisé .. ?
Je joue avec les mots … ?